Mystery in a can!

Sometimes I take a break from deep theological debate. Sometimes I take a break from staring at the beguiling stars above my head in the night sky. Sometimes I shut the news off, close my book, turn off my computer, hang up, disconnect, unplug and simply ponder the smaller mysteries in life.

Take Ravioli's for instance.

What the hell kinda meat is that stuff inside of the Ravioli??? I mean, really! Yeah, yeah, yeah, I KNOW what the box says...but, come on! Since when do labels tell the TRUTH??

One time I opened a can of raviolis and painstakingly removed all the "meat" from every little pasta pouch and lumped it all in a pile so that I could get enough of it together to actually taste the "meat" separately from the pasta. You know what it tasted like? It tasted very suspiciously like the "mystery meat" crap they served us in high school and called it a "Salisbury steak". I'm telling you, slap enough sauce or gravy on it and you can hide a multitude of sins, you know?

When I was a kid I worked in a lot of restaurants and fast food joints. So...just ponder that one a minute. YOUR food. (Yeah, I'm praying God will forgive me some day.) I KNOW there's something wrong with the "mystery meat". If you can't identify it, it's being camouflaged for a reason. Trust and believe THAT! For all we know, this stuff could be the same crap that's listed on a pack of hot dogs as "mechanically separated chicken and beef parts"! Dude, what the HELL is THAT?? And why does it take a machine to do it??

Oh, but wait! There's MORE! The mystery doesn't end there. OH no, my friends! Would you like to know what really gives me a ravioli headache?

How come no matter how long you heat a can of raviolis-how long you stir-how long you stand there and wait-that you can't make ALL of the raviolis hot??? Dude, that drives me crazy! I've heated raviolis on the stove, chucked them in the microwave, and even poured them in a cornbread pan and stuck them in the oven-and there's always one-AT LEAST ONE-ravioli that doesn't heat all of the way through. What the hell's up with that? Surely I can't be the only man in history to notice this every day anomaly!

Stay tuned and if I find an answer I will enlighten those fellow travelers seeking a deeper understanding of Ravioli.

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