Movies I dug in 2009

I missed a lot of great movies this year-mainly because they didn't play in our theatre and work and finances prevented me from tooling off to some distant town to catch up. With that in mind, I'd like to present my list, month by month of my favorite movies of 2009. Not the “best” or the most “deserving”, but simply my personal favorites from the films I got to see.

JANUARY












TAKEN

How can you go wrong with Liam Neeson? It was a great little thriller/actioner with only a few uber-hammy lines of dialogue.










RUNNER UP-MY BLOODY VALENTINE

Purely a guilty pleasure! And 3-D to boot. Not as bad as it could have been.










BONUS-MOST OBNOXIOUS MOVIE OF JANUARY-PAUL BLART: MALL COP

I was bleeding from the ears, nose and mouth by the time this assault on all that's good and descent in cinema was over. Oh my GOD, I hated this movie!!!!!

FEBRUARY










FRIDAY THE 13TH

What does it tell you when a frickin' FRIDAY THE 13th remake is the best movie of the month??? As I rack my brain to find something positive to say about this movie it suddenly occurs to me that I found the ending very exciting.











BONUS-MOST OBNOXIOUS MOVIE OF FEBRUARY-PINK PANTHER 2

I am telling you the god's truth here; the ONLY reason I watched this steaming crap-fest is because I was PAID TO!!! Oh, how I miss the Steve Martin of yesteryear!!! Peter Sellers is rolling in his grave, man!!










RUNNER UP OBNOXIOUS MOVIE OF FEBRUARY-TYLER PERRY'S MADEA GOES TO JAIL

Dumb, boring, and entirely coma-inducing. Hmmm...Yep, I think that about covers it.

MARCH










WATCHMEN

This highly anticipated comic-book movie based on Alan Moore's seminal graphic novel was Superb! I don't know if it's the Citizen Kane of comic book movies but it's awful damn close! The opening/title sequence is one of the best ever!!










RUNNER UP-THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT

Hey, whaddya know? A remake that's actually GOOD! INTENSE and very suspenseful. Highly recommended to horror buffs.










BONUS-MOST OBNOXIOUS MOVIE OF MARCH-KNOWING

Nic Cage, I have a question: Dude, what the HELL, man??? Have you no self-respect? C'mon!!

APRIL










CRANK 2-HIGH VOLTAGE

Once again, not a stellar movie month. Crank 2 was all kinds of kinetic, over the top, slam-bang action. I had a heck of a good time watching it. Still....I wish I could've seen the Soloist.










BONUS-MOST OBNOXIOUS MOVIE OF APRIL-HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE
Movies like this make me really, really, really hate kids.

MAY










STAR TREK

After the disaster that was Star Trek: Nemesis (the lowest grossing Trek film ever) and the disappointing weirdness that was the television show Enterprise, many a Trek fan sadly proclaimed Trek to be a flogged and very dead horse. Oh, not so, my friends! Thanks to JJ Abrams, a solid script and a fine new cast, Star Trek once again LIVES!!! Awesome movie!










RUNNER UP-DRAG ME TO HELL

Easily the best, flat out entertaining horror film in a looong, lonnnng time! Great thrills and chills here, folks. Thanks Sam Raimi! We want more!!










BONUS-MOST OBNOXIOUS MOVIE OF MAY-DANCE FLICK

Words fail me. I swear to god, I don't know how low the lowest common denominator can get. I mean this movie is eye stabbingly baaaad.

JUNE










THE HANGOVER

OK, so picture this: A comedy that is FUNNY! REALLY FUNNY! SIDE SPLITTINGLY FUNNY! This is the first movie since maybe American Pie that I've wanted to watch repeatedly. I predict this will become a classic.










RUNNER UP-MOON

Moon is a thoughtful little sci fi flick about a man working alone on a mining station on the moon who one day quite literally runs into himself. I love Sam Rockwell and he's in fine form here.










BONUS-MOST OBNOXIOUS MOVIE OF JUNE-IMAGINE THAT

Ohhh, let's go watch Eddie Murphy in another bland, mindless family friendly movie. Wait, on second thought...LET'S NOT!!!

JULY










PUBLIC ENEMIES

Famous gangster John Dillinger gets the big screen treatment and it's a rip-roaring good time!










RUNNER UP-BRUNO

I'm surprised that Sacha Baron Cohen hasn't hastened his own demise by riffing on people's prejudices. His shtick always makes me laugh...and squirm.










BONUS-MOST OBNOXIOUS MOVIE OF JULY-ALIENS IN THE ATTIC

FRICKIN' HORRID screenplay, tepid acting, obnoxious kids, lousy effects...and those are the films GOOD QUALITIES.

AUGUST










DISTRICT 9

Science fiction is always at its very best when it questions who we are and the morality of the things we do to each other. Even if you don't care about civics or politics you're still in for a hell of an enjoyable sci fi flick.













BONUS-MOST OBNOXIOUS MOVIE OF AUGUST-HALLOWEEN II

If anyone had any doubt that Rob Zombie smokes crack and has a fetish for the bottom feeders of life this should cure it. What a horrible, wretched train wreck of a movie this thing is.

SEPTEMBER










SURROGATES

I guess, for lack of anything better, this was the best film of September. It was by no means a “bad” film but it really failed to evoke any sort of response from me. Easily forgettable.










BONUS-MOST OBNOXIOUS MOVIE OF SEPTEMBER-SORORITY ROW

Yet another (BIG SIGH) remake of yet another perfectly forgettable horror film. This new incarnation makes the original seem like a good time. Absolutely the bottom of the barrel, man.

OCTOBER










ZOMBIELAND

Woody Harrelson and company fight zombies and run into Bill Murray along the way. Fantastic fun. Smart Script. Lots of laughs. A must see for the zombie aficionados amongst us. You know who you are!










BONUS-MOST OBNOXIOUS MOVIE OF OCTOBER-LAW ABIDING CITIZEN

Girard Butler in his first bona fide FLOP! Oh my god is this a baaad movie. It makes ZOMBIELAND seem plausible. Outrageously far-fetched plot-overacting-everything you've come to expect in the best of the worst.

NOVEMBER










A CHRISTMAS CAROL

This is the latest and greatest from Robert Zemeckis and his motion captured animated films. This time out Charles Dickens' classic Christmas tale is retold for the bazillionth time. The animation is astounding. The story remains faithful to the source material which makes it a great entry point to literature for kids. Recommended.










BONUS- MOST OBNOXIOUS MOVIE OF NOVEMBER-OLD DOGS

Just another in a loooong, loooong litany of films that proclaim all wrongs can be made right by quitting your job and spending more time with your kids. Hey, I understand the underlying message here, I really do—but this is just more sugar coated poop delivered by veteran actors who should lend their talents to MUCH BETTER projects. Insufferable!

DECEMBER










SHERLOCK HOLMES

Yikes! The critics haven't been very kind to this latest interpretation of the Sherlock Holmes Mythos but I found it quite engaging and entertaining. It's not the version of "Holmes" that I will carry in my heart as "definitive" (that honor, for good or bad goes to BASIL RATHBONE-and JEREMY BRITT-in that order) but one could do much worse than enjoy the considerable talents that Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law bring to the mix.










RUNNER UP-AVATAR

OK, shoot me! I know that Avatar was the odds on favorite for best movie of the month (probably of the year) but I couldn't help giving more credence to PERFORMANCE (Downey and Law) over effects (Everything in Avatar). Avatar IS a mind bogglingly awesome, spectacular piece of film to look at, no doubt; but the story is one that's been told 20 billion times on much smaller budgets, and to greater effect. "Best" doesn't always mean "coolest effects". Sorry.










BONUS-MOST OBNOXIOUS MOVIE OF DECEMBER-ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS 2: THE SQUEAKQUEL

Yeah, I know I'm hard on kids movies and I really shouldn't be... but damnit!! I have to watch this crap and I don't get a choice about the matter, either. Alvin and the chipmunks 2 sucks ass, ok? I just can't be more plain than that. I'll never get the hour and a half I spent on this obnoxious film back. Ever. That really ticks me off, kiddies. If you have young children begging to go see this movie I feel sorry for you.










BONUS BONUS-RECOMMENDATION FOR A GOOD KID MOVIE-THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG

This is a good film! Disney doing what disney used to do best: making warm, animated toons that kids of ALL ages can enjoy and appreciate on one level or another. Yes, I moaned and complained about having to sit through The Princess and the Frog-but I know a quality film when I see it regardless if it's my cup of tea or not. So, avoid the chipmunks and check out the frog, eh?










AND FINALLY-BEST MOVIE OF THE WHOLE YEAR-DISTRICT 9