Random Ramblings on being 40 Fricking years old!

I remember the day that I realized that my dad was impossibly oooold! It was at suppertime one balmy summer evening when I was 13. Dad was pastoring a small church in Oswego, Kansas at the time. He was also doing various handyman jobs to bring in some extra money.

When dad came in mom called us all to the table. Dad was tired that day. He plopped down in a chair beside me. He smelled like farm animals. "Work for that farmer again, dad?"
"Yep." he said. We started talking about whatever- I don't remember. I was too busy studying his face. There were lines around the corners of his eyes that I hadn't noticed there before and a healthy amount of gray hair gathered at his temples. He looked old. As we talked I couldn't help but thinking it was a very sad day. My dad was withering before my eyes. I tried to imagine myself at his age and couldn't. I just couldn't. I doubted very seriously that I'd live to be as old as he was. I mean, hell! He was 40 years old! I tried to imagine what there could possibly be to look forward to at that age. Well, I couldn't fathom that either. I just assumed it was a sad state of life-all of that getting old crap. No wonder dad worked all of the time! He was just passing the time until he finally died. hahaha!!

I think of that summer day every single morning when I meet my 40 year old self in the bathroom mirror! I have a lot of gray in my beard. I can see gray in my hair too...so strange. My facial features are deepening... It's like Jesus Holy Lord! I lived to be as old as my dad... Thankfully, I've aged MUUUUCH more gracefully than my dad. (hahaha! I tell myself that too, every morning!) I could pass for 30, easy! (Yeah, right!).

I think what's most surprising about turning 40 is that it's pretty darn much like being 39 or 38 or 37 or-you get the idea. The body changes and the mind matures a bit along the way but I'm still me. I still laugh at the most stupid things. I still get all worked up over the same things that got me when I was 30 and 25... and each and every single day I find new and exciting stuff to look forward to. No wonder dad hung around. Life doesn't end at 40 at all. It just....mmmm...mutates a bit. It's not something a kid would understand.

By 40 frickin years old you learn to shrug a lot of things off. You learn what's worth worrying about and what's just wasting valuable time. Life becomes simultaneously more fun and more complicated at the same time. You know, if you want my opinion, and you must at least be curious to know it else you wouldn't be here, 40 is the BEST 17 I've ever had! Only difference for me now is I have a few more bills to pay then I did back then. I'm not dragging around a bus load of kids, I'm not knocking myself out to climb ladders to nowhere...I'm just living, laughing, loving, working, and goofing the hell off! I'm as light and carefree as a bird and old enough to understand and appreciate just how frickin' lucky that makes me. Now, if you'll excuse me I've gotta get back to this Batman comic I'm reading. It's awesome!!


posted under |


Post a Comment

Newer Post Older Post Home



Recent Comments